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The feminine mind... the source of male frustration for aeons.  Over the years I´ve come to question the source of my ideas about the world, and my role within it. We´re taught from childhood that our goal in life should be to get married and live Happily Ever After.  We´re taught that a wedding ring is our ticket to happiness, personal fulfillment and spiritual well-being.  This idea is reinforced by the fairy tales we read, the television shows and movies that we watch and from the pulpit in church.  It is so deeply ingrained in our culture, our collective consciousness, that many of us never stop to question it.  It is an assumption that has acquired the feel of fact.

I was a bit of a tomboy when I was growing up, and consider myself fortunate that my parents didn´t consciously press the gender stereotypes.  Despite my relatively liberal upbringing, I still couldn´t avoid growing up with the idea that the best thing I could do in most situations was to "be nice."  I learned not to argue with men, and always did my best to get along.  I was so good at it that I didn´t even notice that I was choking inside.  I was young, fit, attractive, good natured and fun to be with.  I knew how to make men feel like a King, had a lot of boyfriends, and learned to never, never let men see how intelligent I am.

I was always on the lookout for The One who would complete me - as if a woman doesn´t really count unless she has a ring on her finger.  I finally found my "Mr. Right" (after many "Mr. Right Now"s) and married when I was 25.  I got pregnant almost immediately, and quit my job as a Graphic Artist to be a "real mom."   I tried so hard to be a "good wife", a "good mother"... what was wrong with me?  I hated housework, I missed the company of adults, I was impatient with the "Mommy Talk" I got from the other neighborhood moms.  I no longer had time for my projects, I couldn´t read without interruption... I didn´t know who I was any more.  I lost my individuality, my identity, and became "Mommy", "Honey" and "My Wife, Robin."  I was bored, unhappy and overweight.  I had everything I thought I wanted... except self-respect.  I didn´t recognize the sloppy looking woman with the dead eyes in the mirror... and I hated myself for being unhappy.  I felt like a failure as a wife, a mother... as a person.